I intend to use this waste of space on a hard drive to chronicle the simple fact that rednecks are every where, sea to shining sea. It is a widespread myth that the entire redneck population is confined to the Southern states. (You have to capitalize Southern. It's the law dammit..) The true fact is that rednecks are everywhere.
Case in point: Fishing. It is universally accepted that every redneck ever borned loves fishin'. Rednecks invented fishing. It's origins goes way back to the olden Bible times when a man, who had surely come to the end of his rope listening to his woman carp on him about not hunting up enough food, found that at the end of the aforementioned rope was a tiny filament to which he could attach a hook fashioned from a piece of bone, dip it into the water with some bait attached and, viola! (Walla for those of you whose French is limited to swear words and cussing.) a fish would bite and could be reeled in, hand over hand if necessary, cooked and eaten.
Well, that was the plan, anyway.
In truth, it was more wet line and napping than reeling. At least he was putting in the effort and as long as he brought home a fish or two, the woman was happy and all ate well.
Now, my buddy and bestest friend a dog or man could ever have Ryan "Smokey Pants" Smith, is a born in the south redneck, a man of true redneck origins, had come to visit me in Wisconsin over the Winter. Way up north (north is not capitalized. It's the law dammit!) the lakes freeze over and hoards of pickup trucks can be seen out on the lakes in search of peace and quiet - umm fish. From Lake Michigan and Green Bay to the tiniest of over sized ponds like Pike Lake near my house, rednecks go to great lengths to fish. Some even bring with them elaborate shacks on trailers to fish from. With amenities such as a bathroom, couches, bunk beds, kitchens and, yes, satellit
e TV so you can watch the Outdoor channel or the football game, a redneck could get quite comfy fishing out there until the Spring thaw comes and chases them all back home.
As a show of true redneck hospitality, I bundled up my fine frittered friend in true cold weather gear (Insulated Carharts top to bottom and a fur lined over the ear cap) and off we trundled to the lake. We drove my truck out on to the pond and parked out where the fishing seemed to be going strong. We talked to several guys out there and they when asked how things were going they all had the same answer.
"The fishing's great, but we ain't catching nuthin." *wink*
At 5 degrees and the wind chill at minus 20, Ryan lasted all of 25 minutes before he motioned to me to come close so as not to be over heard.
"I can't feel my face, Dude."
It was time to go and I had the sneaking suspicion that the hearty northern redneck had earned his respect and admiration. I took him back to the casa and got him all thawed out.
To make it up to him, the next day we went on down to Milwaukee and took a tour of the Miller Beer factory (Free Beer!), spent some time at the Harley Museum and met up with a local friend, Tim Cook (Bassist for the legendary indie-rock band Bender.) at my favorite downtown watering hole in Milwaukee to toss back a batch of beer made right there in town.
It was a wonderful redneck adventure.
More to come..
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